Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
