I need to stop coming to work sober
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying