Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.