The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize