I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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