Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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