I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
