I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
