There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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