he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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