your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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