I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
