so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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