You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
