I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She's the barista slut.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
