i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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