yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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