I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize