i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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