Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize