i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize