i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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