So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
