mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Your penis caused this!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
