you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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