He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Pants are for mortals
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
