Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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