cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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