small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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