NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize