i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
