3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
