he told me I talked like a deaf person
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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