Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
