I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize