Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
