Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have aggressive nipples.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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