i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
try to milk me bitch
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