i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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