it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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