My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I said "one day" and that day is not today
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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