Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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