Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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