Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
