Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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