Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
