drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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