Im at strip club and am horny
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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