Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
