my mouth tastes like poor choices
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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