I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
