my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize