I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize