Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
