i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
