I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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