I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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