Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
