I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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