I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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