I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
