im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I AM VODKA MAN
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
