You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
