1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I want to have your abortion
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize