Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
