i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you made out with another girl for some wings
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
