Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
