have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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