if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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