i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
