I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
