my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
