i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
